Walls

People are fragile, frail at best. We claim the facade of being strong, climbing the ladders the world has placed around us, yet at the slightest hurt we begin to crumble. The crumble begins deep within, within the inner orafices of the human heart. With each crack, crumble and slash, another layer is added to the outside wall, hoping to keep it from a complete cave in.
Some are not good builders and a crumble slips through many layers of cracks; and the world identifies them as the weakest link. Yet these are the ones whose pain that is seen is real, yearning for compassion and a lending hand to stem the avalanche. These are the ones who live in open pain, and cause loud pain for the world to see. They are the suicidal, homicidal, cutters, addicts,....
The ones whose walls are well intact merely stay away from the collapsing, mocking their weakness yet fearing it will cause themselves to be weak. They are the ones to fear the most, for while they appear healthy, going strong in the race, their unspoken turmoil causes an everlasting damage. Their influence driven by their inner pain is the judge and blindness that guides their lives. They are the abusers, the angry yellers, the ones who say you'll never be good enough, the gossips liars cheaters, the sarcastic belittlers...
The third people are the revered, the envied, for while their numbers are few, the desire to be one is deep and great. They require a strength above all, a faith beyond reason; for they live with no wall. Their heart is bared to the world, to speak their testimony. Yet while their testimony of a healed heart is seen by the world, the visibility of every scratch, scar, imperfection, and bleeding holes causes many to mock the idea of a wall-less heart, and with the mocking- a strong temptation to rebuild a wall. They are the meek, the innocent children, the merciful, the pure in heart, the peacemakers, the sons of God .

NomaD

On the inside I'm different,
the outside the same;
or wait is it the other way?

On the outside I'm different,
the inside the same,
Keep moving don't stay.

You miss home,
but it's not what it used to be,
people keep changing.

You want to go back,
where you are today,
but nobody knows what shaped me.

The issue's the heart, mind and soul,
tired of being partial,
wanting to be known whole.

Crocodile Tears

Splash. I look up to see the source of the wetness on my hand. Big crocodile tears falling from his eyes, yet not a sound is made. The pain goes deeper than the wound under the bandage I am removing. His clothes torn, with no one to mend them, his underwear dirty with no one to help him boil water to clean them. He opens his mouth, tells his story, and one more crack is made in my heart. 

Faces he doesn’t remember, or ones so fresh he’d rather not. His parents dead, he’s left to a granny to look after him. Food is limited, and school is the place he eats once a day. His shoes, what’s left of them protect part of his feet. His big toe pops out of the front from wearing and still growing, while his heel is sore from the rocks since his sole is worn into a big hole at the heel. 

Not just one, but many, march one by one their faces, lining my memory, telling their story of desperation, yearning for love, pleading for hope.

Jesus said “let the children come unto me” Mt 19:14

I can only hope that He is using me to be a bridge of hope and love, leading their broken lives to the real Healer.

*Not one boy’s story but a compilation of many recurring individual stories that touched my heart

Compassion

Extinction. Orphans. HIV. Starvation.

These words are rarely reality to most of Western civilization, yet they are scrolling through my mind. These four foreign words seem to be just that. A Foreign problem. Where they were formerly foreign, they are now a reality that surrounds me.

Swaziland is a country in need. In need of Life, Family, Hope. A peaceful people, I sometimes forget the current status without natives around me, screaming in my face the things they are facing…”MY CHILD WILL GO TO SLEEP HUNGRY,” “MY BROTHER IS DYING AND LEAVING HIS ORPHANS TO ME, A WIDOW” “I AM THE LAST ADULT IN MY HOMESTEAD,” “WHY’D MY PARENTS DIE,” “IT”S NOT RIGHT FOR MY 7 Year old TO BE RAISING MY NEWBORN,” “I WANT HELP BUT DON’T KNOW WHO CAN HELP.” “WHAT’S HOPE?”

Easy to forget those who are peaceful, asking God to keep my heart soft and sensitive to the compassion He has for these people is a constant plea.

While health care and education are vital, there is nothing that replaces sharing the hope that is found in the gospel of Jesus Christ.

Matthew 25:35-36 “For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.”

John 6:35 “Then Jesus declared, ‘I am the bread of life. He who comes to me will never go hungry, and he who believes in me will never be thirsty.”

The gospel is wholistic and realistic in that it addresses physical as well as spiritual neediness. While the need for Christ surpasses the need for food, it’s important for me to remember that Christ had compassion on the physically poor.

A Snipet on Divorce

Matthew 15, Mark 10

God's original plan was male & female 

- Married.

God did not say divorce was okay,

but rather permitted it due to man's hard heart.

Everything is permissible, but not everything is beneficial.

Divorce is permissible,

but IS IT BENEFICIAL? 

Whom does it benefit? 

Yourself? Your Spouse? Your children?

God gave man choice;

Choice = Moral ?

God gave man choice;

yet our choices can grieve the heart of God.

Divorce goes against God's originial design;

God's original design had our best in mind;

YOURS & MINE.

Who Doesn't Want God's Best?

*"When we choose the best (our selfish desires) all the time instead of obedience to God---Destruction begins." Pastor Kevin Ward

To Think or Not To Think

Yesterday and today I saw a lot of green! Mountains, Trees, bushes, grass, flowering plants, everywhere there is green; there are signs of LIFE!

This goes against every stereotype, preconceived notion, expectation, and bias I've ever thought/known. 


To me Africa has always been the land of the poor, dying, desert, brown safari grasses, and the over-rated cliche' of a child's dream place to be a missionary. Missionary-ness was never my dream; much less in Africa.

My Mind Is Boggled.

Not only did God call me to do missions, He did it as inconveniently as possible---Fresh out of school, with school loans, to the place I cared little about. He changed my heart, made Swaziland my dream, and broke my heart for what breaks His. 

The Heavens truly declare the Glory of God; the firmament is showing His handiwork. Despite it being January, Swaziland is a tropical, lush paradise and has blown up every preconceived notion of mine. 

Soon Clinics began and I will see unimaginable suffering. The same God who made this paradise created these people. Their souls for the Kingdom of God is the goal! May I never miss the people, the mission God has given me, while basking in the aesthetics God has blessed me with in my surroundings. 

Importance Changes with Perception

What's Important?

Who Decides?
God?
People?
Money?
Mood?

Outta Sight,
Outta Mind?

I Think Not.

We Hunger for that,
Which We Do Not Have.

No Hope,
We hunger for God.

No Companionship,
We hunger for People.

No Nutrition,
We hunger for Food.

 

Should Perception Change Importance?

Is Your Perception Default or Deliberate?